http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th_(1980_film)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080761/
What I Knew:
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah-ah. Friday the 13th is ubiquitous. Camp Crystal Lake. Jason. The perils of sexual immorality. I've never seen it before so the details aren't really there for me, but does anyone not know what happens in Friday the 13th? When I was a Star Scout, I tried really hard to convince my scoutmaster to take us to Camp NoBeBoSco, which is Camp Crystal Lake in this film, but 14 year old me just couldn't sell the old man on horror history.
What I Expected:
Camp slasher movie with a guy in the most famous hockey mask in the world.
What I Got:
Uh. Well.
So I had no idea what i was getting myself into. It turns out that I had seen most of the kills previously, probably via youtube, but the whole last reel was still very new to me. For a movie that is about the most iconic horror villain of all time, it sure doesnt have a whole lot of him. There are only four people who have sex in the film, all of whom are murdered, but there are like four more victims who never even take their pants off. Turns out that its actually "ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma." Not at all what i was expecting, but man was it a fun ride. I don't think im gonna summarize the film here like I did with the previous two movies, but needless to say some people show up at a camp, they get murdered, some crazy old woman is murdering them because she thinks her son is telling her to avenge his death at the hands of negligent camp counselors, she gets murdered, a rotting kid jumps out of a lake.
How I Felt:
I liked this movie a lot. It felt lighthearted in a way that didnt detract from the scares and scary in a way that didnt detract from the emotional pull. Mrs. Voorhees is an awesome villain, especially when you are expecting something a lot more foreboding. A jeep pulls up and you're sitting there expecting big bad Jason, with mask and machete, ready for some murdering, but nope its just a doddering old mom. And she has a machete. All the characters felt really likable, from kinda creepy Steve, dorky and horny Neddy, and almost matronly Brenda to protective and responsible Bill, over-compensatingly masculine Jack, and his condescending girlfriend Marcie, to heroine Alice. Alice is really pretty, i feel like i need to point that out. I was definitely cheering for her to survive and also cheering for her to lose at Strip Monopoly.
The special effects are absolutely great. There's something about seeing an ax embedded in someone's face in a highly-detailed way for only a few seconds that really shows pride in the effects' guy's work. I love these late-70s, early-80s special effects due to how resourceful and creative you had to be, and it really shows in movies like this. I'm also a fan of the jump scares and the music cues to them. You get this break in the score right before something cool happens and it really preps you for the jump, i think. All in all, i'm really glad i've finally seen this piece of history.
View This:
However you want, just make sure the volume is loud.
Sequel????
Well, I have ten Friday the 13th movies at the moment, of which i have only seen Jason X, the one about Jason in space, so i think i'll be able to try to get through nine more plus the 2009 remake. Kind of excited to see the evolution of Jason over 30 years.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepaway_Camp
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086320/
What I Knew:
Literally nothing besides it is supposed to have the most unexpected ending to a horror movie ever apparently.
What I Expected:
Very little. Thinking a watered down Friday the 13th.
What I Got:
Holy God.
Its got a fairly normal slasher set up. Kid's father and sibling are killed by a motorboat driven by reckless children. Kid gets sent to live with Crazy Aunt Who Can't Act And Is Constantly Breaking The Fourth Wall. Eight years later, Crazy Aunt sends the kids to the same summer camp where the killings took place. Angela, the protagonist and only survivor of that horrific crash, is entirely mute and gets picked on a lot because of it. Her cousin, Ricky, is a dick but in a good way. He sticks up for her when the bad dicks, including pothead Kenny and older ringleader Billy, are mean. The baddest dicks of them all are Angela's counselor, Meg, and her bunkmate, Judy. Also at the camp are head counselor Ronnie, owner Mel, and head chef Artie. Ronnie is enthusiastic about camping, Mel is enthusiastic about money, and Artie is enthusiastic about raping children.
Soon into the summer Artie corners Angela with intent to rape, only to be stopped at the last minute by Ricky. A few minutes later Artie is maimed very, very badly when a child-sized pot of water is dumped on him by an unknown camper. Mel covers it up. Later, Billy goads Kenny and one of his dope bros into trying to pick up poor, mute, and assumed handicapped Angela. Kenny quickly gives up and just brutally makes fun of her to her face. This prompts a brawl between Billy and his gang and Ricky and his best friend Paul. After the fight gets broken up, Ricky and Billy's gang are hauled off to their cabins while Paul is left to console Angela. He is nice to her, unlike literally everyone except Ricky and Ronnie, and tells her some zany stories about previous years at camp. As Paul leaves for bed Angela utters her first words: "Good night."
Later that night Ricky smokes a bunch of weed while a bunch of Billy's Boys try to unsuccessfully talk some ugly girls into skinny dipping. Ricky gets the bright idea of convincing a girl to take a canoe ride with him so he can make a series of really lame dick jokes. It works and Ricky basks in his victory while hiding in a flipped canoe singing songs to himself. He then gets drowned by a Mysterious Camper. A little while later, Paul and Angela are making out on the beach. Paul tries to undo her top and she flips out and runs away. Immediately before running away however, she has a flashback of her father having sex with another dude. Yeah.
Billy throws a water balloon at Angela and he is the next to go. He is locked in the bathroom while taking a poo and bees are set loose on him. Mel is convinced that Ricky is the murderer now and stops Ricky from intervening when Meg and Judy throw a very traumatized Angela into the water. The lifeguard calls Meg a "peckerhead."
Its the night of the big social. Ricky is grounded because he is suspected of murder so he can't go. Meanwhile a counselor I don't think we have ever seen before is in charge of taking a bunch of lil campers out to the woods to camp. Meg has a big date with Mel and has to use an abandon cabin's shower to clean herself up. She is basically just asking to be murdered and she is. Angela tells Paul to meet her at the waterside after social. Judy is then murdered by being stabbed to death with a curling iron. Then three of the lil campers are hatcheted to death.
Mel goes on a frantic search for Meg, discovers her corpse and vows revenge. He tracks Ricky down and beats him to near death. At this point it gets Amazing. It transcends the genre and puts Sleepaway Camp into a league of its own.
How I Felt:
Amazed. The last 20 seconds of that movie are out of this world. Something that needs to be experienced. I want to talk about it but I. like, don't want to spoil it. It is so good. The entire movie really is an above average slash flick. Thrills, chills, et cetera. But man that end.
My Viewing Recommendation:
Anytime. All the time. Never stop watching Sleepaway Camp.
Would I Watch A Sequel?
Absolutely. I would watch all the sequels. There are apparently four, with two more on the way in the next year. I'm very excited to Return to Sleepaway Camp.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086320/
What I Knew:
Literally nothing besides it is supposed to have the most unexpected ending to a horror movie ever apparently.
What I Expected:
Very little. Thinking a watered down Friday the 13th.
What I Got:
Holy God.
Its got a fairly normal slasher set up. Kid's father and sibling are killed by a motorboat driven by reckless children. Kid gets sent to live with Crazy Aunt Who Can't Act And Is Constantly Breaking The Fourth Wall. Eight years later, Crazy Aunt sends the kids to the same summer camp where the killings took place. Angela, the protagonist and only survivor of that horrific crash, is entirely mute and gets picked on a lot because of it. Her cousin, Ricky, is a dick but in a good way. He sticks up for her when the bad dicks, including pothead Kenny and older ringleader Billy, are mean. The baddest dicks of them all are Angela's counselor, Meg, and her bunkmate, Judy. Also at the camp are head counselor Ronnie, owner Mel, and head chef Artie. Ronnie is enthusiastic about camping, Mel is enthusiastic about money, and Artie is enthusiastic about raping children.
Soon into the summer Artie corners Angela with intent to rape, only to be stopped at the last minute by Ricky. A few minutes later Artie is maimed very, very badly when a child-sized pot of water is dumped on him by an unknown camper. Mel covers it up. Later, Billy goads Kenny and one of his dope bros into trying to pick up poor, mute, and assumed handicapped Angela. Kenny quickly gives up and just brutally makes fun of her to her face. This prompts a brawl between Billy and his gang and Ricky and his best friend Paul. After the fight gets broken up, Ricky and Billy's gang are hauled off to their cabins while Paul is left to console Angela. He is nice to her, unlike literally everyone except Ricky and Ronnie, and tells her some zany stories about previous years at camp. As Paul leaves for bed Angela utters her first words: "Good night."
Later that night Ricky smokes a bunch of weed while a bunch of Billy's Boys try to unsuccessfully talk some ugly girls into skinny dipping. Ricky gets the bright idea of convincing a girl to take a canoe ride with him so he can make a series of really lame dick jokes. It works and Ricky basks in his victory while hiding in a flipped canoe singing songs to himself. He then gets drowned by a Mysterious Camper. A little while later, Paul and Angela are making out on the beach. Paul tries to undo her top and she flips out and runs away. Immediately before running away however, she has a flashback of her father having sex with another dude. Yeah.
Billy throws a water balloon at Angela and he is the next to go. He is locked in the bathroom while taking a poo and bees are set loose on him. Mel is convinced that Ricky is the murderer now and stops Ricky from intervening when Meg and Judy throw a very traumatized Angela into the water. The lifeguard calls Meg a "peckerhead."
Its the night of the big social. Ricky is grounded because he is suspected of murder so he can't go. Meanwhile a counselor I don't think we have ever seen before is in charge of taking a bunch of lil campers out to the woods to camp. Meg has a big date with Mel and has to use an abandon cabin's shower to clean herself up. She is basically just asking to be murdered and she is. Angela tells Paul to meet her at the waterside after social. Judy is then murdered by being stabbed to death with a curling iron. Then three of the lil campers are hatcheted to death.
Mel goes on a frantic search for Meg, discovers her corpse and vows revenge. He tracks Ricky down and beats him to near death. At this point it gets Amazing. It transcends the genre and puts Sleepaway Camp into a league of its own.
How I Felt:
Amazed. The last 20 seconds of that movie are out of this world. Something that needs to be experienced. I want to talk about it but I. like, don't want to spoil it. It is so good. The entire movie really is an above average slash flick. Thrills, chills, et cetera. But man that end.
My Viewing Recommendation:
Anytime. All the time. Never stop watching Sleepaway Camp.
Would I Watch A Sequel?
Absolutely. I would watch all the sequels. There are apparently four, with two more on the way in the next year. I'm very excited to Return to Sleepaway Camp.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cirque_du_Freak:_The_Vampire's_Assistant
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450405/
What I Knew About This Movie Ahead of Time:
Initially nothing, but as the download neared 100% my curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up on wikipedia and rotten tomatoes. I learned that John C. Riley, Ken Wantanabe, and Salma Hayek are in it and it is based on a series of young adult fiction novels I have never heard of. It also got middling reviews on RT but i didnt look too deeply, wanting to keep myself more in the dark.
What I Expected:
Based on the title alone, I kind of anticipated a Horrorfest title with maybe a juggalo slant. I'm not sure whether I'm disappointed or relieved that a more educated me later began to expect Twilight For Boys.
What I Got:
"Darren, I let you drink my blood. Sure, you can kiss me."
The first 20 minutes of the movie are Quality. Starts off totally Dead Like Me, takes a turn directly for Goosebumps, and ends up in a very satisfying, if unimaginative, freakshow scene. The movie could have comfortably stretched that scene out for another hour and I for one would have walked away happy. But it doesn't.
So, Darren is dead and he is playing snake on his T-Mobile phone and also he is at his own funeral in a casket. Flashback to a few days earlier, Darren is a cool, popular, normal kid. His secret best friend, Steve, is, in classic Apatow terms, a freak. Darren's got a great background, stable loving family, perfect grades, wears khaki pants literally all the time. Steve, on the other hand, never met his father, his mother is an abusive drunk, he gets in more fights than he does pass tests, and is on the fast track to failure. The scenes where we meet Darren and Steve are sincerely funny. They crib heavily from similar work, but thats not a bad thing with execution like this. Then, like I said before, it gets Goosebumpy.
Darren is obsessed with spiders, Steve is obsessed with vampires. A creepy limousine gives them a flyer to an illegal art exhibit/show called "Cirque du Freak." They go. It is a freakshow. It is legitimately entertaining and like I said, I would rather watch Ken Wantanabe (a giant), Salma Hayek (a bearded woman), Orlando Jones (a man with no abdomen), Kristen Schaal (not really sure what her thing was), John C. Riley (an undead magician with a spider fetish), et al, do freaky cg things for an hour in front of a small, horrified crowd than the actual next hour.
The boys' math teacher shows up with the cops and shuts the freakshow down on moral grounds, but it turns out that the liberal feel good "normal" people who want to "save" the freaks from exploitation hate the freaks more than those that paid to see them. Typical "normals" imo. Darren wants to take a closer look at John C. Riley's spider, so he hides in his closet as Riley and Wilem Defoe (!!!) have a conversation about vampires, vampinese, and being the last of the mofreakins. Willem Defoe saying "We're the last of the Mofreakins" is probably the highest post-freakshow moment of the film. Its just one long, dry, motivationless spiral from there as we are sucked in to the most boring intrigue this side of the West Wing.
Vampires and Vampinese were at war, but John C. Riley and Willem Defoe managed to beat the Vampinese into accepting a truce eighty years ago. Some fat bald guy called Mr. Tiny wants to restart the war to bring to pass the end of the world. Darren, in the closet, is about as confused as I was. Not sure if that's a good sign or not. Steve busts into the room and reveals that he knows John C. Riley's secret. John C. Riley says Steve has Bad Blood, tries to be threatening (that doesnt really work because he's Dr. Steve Brule), and chases Steve out of the room. Darren narrowly escapes, is kidnapped by Mr. Tiny, and arrives safely at home.
The next day at school, Steve gets bit by Riley's kidnapped spider and goes into a coma. Darren sacrifices his immortal soul to save his Secret Best Friend. Darren is a vampire under the thrall of John C. Riley, but Riley seems more interested in making Darren do housework. I'm still not really sure why Darren had to become a vampire to save Steve and do vampiric laundry, they're never clear on the reasons and because of this the rest of the movie feels entirely arbitrary. I know its supposed to convey a kind of "innocent kid gets sucked into an ancient war against his will" Buffy thing, but there is literally no motivation for any of the characters to do anything from now to the end of the movie.
Darren fakes his death, joins the Cirque du Freak, makes some friends, including monkey girl Rebecca, and insists that he's not a freak even though he's a vampire. Yeah, right, Darren. Steve figures out that Darren is not all-the-way dead and vows to have his revenge. Because Steve wanted to be a vampire. But Darren became a vampire to save Steve from I don't even know becoming Spider-man I guess. So Steve is pissed. Steve gets turned into a vampire by the vampinese. The key difference between the vampires and the vampinese is that the vampinese love killing dudes, but the vampires sort of regret it and after hundreds of years figured out how to drink blood non-lethally. Steve loves killing dudes and draining their blood. Darren doesn't. In fact, Darren is a vegetarian.
Eventually, Mr. Tiny's vampinese goons raid the Cirque and kidnap the monkey girl. Meanwhile, Steve kidnaps Darren's family. They have a showdown. John C. Riley fights Steve's vampinese mentor. Darren fights Steve, but realizes that being a vegetarian vampire makes you weak. Not enough iron in your diet. He gets trounced by Steve but eventually takes a sip from his monkey girlfriend and is now evenly matched with his bloodthirsty best friend. Its all pretty formulaic. Finally, John C. Riley spills the first blood in the new vampire/vampinese war, Steve joins Mr. Tiny once and for all because its his "destiny" or something, and Darren has to prepare for the coming war. He kisses Rebecca and all is well. Darren is now a Freak.
How I Felt:
This movie is schizophrenic. I'm not sure who it's supposed to be targeting and I don't think it knows, either. It jumps around from fairly campy, funny horror for kids to self-serious vampire politics to completely forgettable, wacky fantasy slapstick. Also it swears a lot. It is PG-13, but, being based on Young Adult Fiction, I figured it would be a little more family-friendly. I really couldn't seem to lock down a demographic though. It seems that most of it is targeted directly at 12 year old boys who want a movie about being a kick-ass vampire who kicks vampire ass that he can watch when his 14 year old sister is having a Twilight party in the basement, but the first 20 minutes fly entirely in the face of that. I'll admit that I laughed out loud at the part in the beginning when Darren's dad is explaining to him what the meaning of life is and it's scenes like that that make the rest of the film so disappointing. But luckily John C. Riley is funny, and there are enough jokes scattered throughout to stop it from being a total wash. The soundtrack is also pretty solid and there is some heavily implied incest if you look at the vampires as Anne Rice vamps, so that's a plus.
The movie would have vastly improved if it either took itself more seriously or not seriously at all. You've got set-ups without punchlines and punchlines set up by twenty minutes of droll "freakiness." The first 20 minutes are seriously great though and drew me in enough to want to finish the film.
My Viewing Recommendation:
Empty Saturday afternoon with people who have a fairly boring sense of humor, refuse to watch R-rated films, and wont walk out if Darren says "shit" a bunch or people who don't mind an hour and twenty minutes of tedium in exchange for twenty minutes of silly but compelling entertainment.
Would I Watch A Sequel:
Yes, as long as John C. Riley and Willem Defoe are involved and there's a Nick Cave song I want to listen to in it. I would sure hope it follows the first twenty minutes of The Vampire's Assistant though.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450405/
What I Knew About This Movie Ahead of Time:
Initially nothing, but as the download neared 100% my curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up on wikipedia and rotten tomatoes. I learned that John C. Riley, Ken Wantanabe, and Salma Hayek are in it and it is based on a series of young adult fiction novels I have never heard of. It also got middling reviews on RT but i didnt look too deeply, wanting to keep myself more in the dark.
What I Expected:
Based on the title alone, I kind of anticipated a Horrorfest title with maybe a juggalo slant. I'm not sure whether I'm disappointed or relieved that a more educated me later began to expect Twilight For Boys.
What I Got:
"Darren, I let you drink my blood. Sure, you can kiss me."
The first 20 minutes of the movie are Quality. Starts off totally Dead Like Me, takes a turn directly for Goosebumps, and ends up in a very satisfying, if unimaginative, freakshow scene. The movie could have comfortably stretched that scene out for another hour and I for one would have walked away happy. But it doesn't.
So, Darren is dead and he is playing snake on his T-Mobile phone and also he is at his own funeral in a casket. Flashback to a few days earlier, Darren is a cool, popular, normal kid. His secret best friend, Steve, is, in classic Apatow terms, a freak. Darren's got a great background, stable loving family, perfect grades, wears khaki pants literally all the time. Steve, on the other hand, never met his father, his mother is an abusive drunk, he gets in more fights than he does pass tests, and is on the fast track to failure. The scenes where we meet Darren and Steve are sincerely funny. They crib heavily from similar work, but thats not a bad thing with execution like this. Then, like I said before, it gets Goosebumpy.
Darren is obsessed with spiders, Steve is obsessed with vampires. A creepy limousine gives them a flyer to an illegal art exhibit/show called "Cirque du Freak." They go. It is a freakshow. It is legitimately entertaining and like I said, I would rather watch Ken Wantanabe (a giant), Salma Hayek (a bearded woman), Orlando Jones (a man with no abdomen), Kristen Schaal (not really sure what her thing was), John C. Riley (an undead magician with a spider fetish), et al, do freaky cg things for an hour in front of a small, horrified crowd than the actual next hour.
The boys' math teacher shows up with the cops and shuts the freakshow down on moral grounds, but it turns out that the liberal feel good "normal" people who want to "save" the freaks from exploitation hate the freaks more than those that paid to see them. Typical "normals" imo. Darren wants to take a closer look at John C. Riley's spider, so he hides in his closet as Riley and Wilem Defoe (!!!) have a conversation about vampires, vampinese, and being the last of the mofreakins. Willem Defoe saying "We're the last of the Mofreakins" is probably the highest post-freakshow moment of the film. Its just one long, dry, motivationless spiral from there as we are sucked in to the most boring intrigue this side of the West Wing.
Vampires and Vampinese were at war, but John C. Riley and Willem Defoe managed to beat the Vampinese into accepting a truce eighty years ago. Some fat bald guy called Mr. Tiny wants to restart the war to bring to pass the end of the world. Darren, in the closet, is about as confused as I was. Not sure if that's a good sign or not. Steve busts into the room and reveals that he knows John C. Riley's secret. John C. Riley says Steve has Bad Blood, tries to be threatening (that doesnt really work because he's Dr. Steve Brule), and chases Steve out of the room. Darren narrowly escapes, is kidnapped by Mr. Tiny, and arrives safely at home.
The next day at school, Steve gets bit by Riley's kidnapped spider and goes into a coma. Darren sacrifices his immortal soul to save his Secret Best Friend. Darren is a vampire under the thrall of John C. Riley, but Riley seems more interested in making Darren do housework. I'm still not really sure why Darren had to become a vampire to save Steve and do vampiric laundry, they're never clear on the reasons and because of this the rest of the movie feels entirely arbitrary. I know its supposed to convey a kind of "innocent kid gets sucked into an ancient war against his will" Buffy thing, but there is literally no motivation for any of the characters to do anything from now to the end of the movie.
Darren fakes his death, joins the Cirque du Freak, makes some friends, including monkey girl Rebecca, and insists that he's not a freak even though he's a vampire. Yeah, right, Darren. Steve figures out that Darren is not all-the-way dead and vows to have his revenge. Because Steve wanted to be a vampire. But Darren became a vampire to save Steve from I don't even know becoming Spider-man I guess. So Steve is pissed. Steve gets turned into a vampire by the vampinese. The key difference between the vampires and the vampinese is that the vampinese love killing dudes, but the vampires sort of regret it and after hundreds of years figured out how to drink blood non-lethally. Steve loves killing dudes and draining their blood. Darren doesn't. In fact, Darren is a vegetarian.
Eventually, Mr. Tiny's vampinese goons raid the Cirque and kidnap the monkey girl. Meanwhile, Steve kidnaps Darren's family. They have a showdown. John C. Riley fights Steve's vampinese mentor. Darren fights Steve, but realizes that being a vegetarian vampire makes you weak. Not enough iron in your diet. He gets trounced by Steve but eventually takes a sip from his monkey girlfriend and is now evenly matched with his bloodthirsty best friend. Its all pretty formulaic. Finally, John C. Riley spills the first blood in the new vampire/vampinese war, Steve joins Mr. Tiny once and for all because its his "destiny" or something, and Darren has to prepare for the coming war. He kisses Rebecca and all is well. Darren is now a Freak.
How I Felt:
This movie is schizophrenic. I'm not sure who it's supposed to be targeting and I don't think it knows, either. It jumps around from fairly campy, funny horror for kids to self-serious vampire politics to completely forgettable, wacky fantasy slapstick. Also it swears a lot. It is PG-13, but, being based on Young Adult Fiction, I figured it would be a little more family-friendly. I really couldn't seem to lock down a demographic though. It seems that most of it is targeted directly at 12 year old boys who want a movie about being a kick-ass vampire who kicks vampire ass that he can watch when his 14 year old sister is having a Twilight party in the basement, but the first 20 minutes fly entirely in the face of that. I'll admit that I laughed out loud at the part in the beginning when Darren's dad is explaining to him what the meaning of life is and it's scenes like that that make the rest of the film so disappointing. But luckily John C. Riley is funny, and there are enough jokes scattered throughout to stop it from being a total wash. The soundtrack is also pretty solid and there is some heavily implied incest if you look at the vampires as Anne Rice vamps, so that's a plus.
The movie would have vastly improved if it either took itself more seriously or not seriously at all. You've got set-ups without punchlines and punchlines set up by twenty minutes of droll "freakiness." The first 20 minutes are seriously great though and drew me in enough to want to finish the film.
My Viewing Recommendation:
Empty Saturday afternoon with people who have a fairly boring sense of humor, refuse to watch R-rated films, and wont walk out if Darren says "shit" a bunch or people who don't mind an hour and twenty minutes of tedium in exchange for twenty minutes of silly but compelling entertainment.
Would I Watch A Sequel:
Yes, as long as John C. Riley and Willem Defoe are involved and there's a Nick Cave song I want to listen to in it. I would sure hope it follows the first twenty minutes of The Vampire's Assistant though.
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