8213: Gacy House (2010)

Sup yall its been a while.
(E: THIS FILM IS ENTIRELY A WORK OF FICTION)
What I Knew
Prequel to my Movie of the Year 2011, Paranormal Entity. Some paranormal investigators go into John Wayne Gacy's house and there are ghosts. Cinema verite and all that. Netflix description reads "pseudo found-footage."
What I Got
Des Plaines, IA police department disclaimer saying its found tapes. What appears to be a tour bus pulls into John Wayne Gacy's house at 8213 West Summerdale Ave, Des Plaines, IL. Some dudes are already scared. This takes pace 3/6/06. Six people were found murdered along with some tapes.
8:05pm static into black and white "blair witch" shot of some dude's nose. Dr. Franklin is with the Institute. Mike is heading up this squad. Lena Russell is there. Tessa is there. Gary is there, he's one of the cameraman crew. Robbie is the sixth dude i guess. Robbie is giving a background on Gacy. He kinda looks like Gacy. Dr. Franklin looks like a b-movie actor. Tessa is a criminal psychiatry major. Lena is the cameraman's assistant. Gary is up for a good time. Mike appears to be the director and Robbie is the producer of the Gacy Project. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not entirely sure what the goal of the Gacy Project is. They've got an IR camera and a whole bunch of cables everywere. Gary is not afraid that John Wayne Gacy will murder him. Gary is doing a walkthrough of the house, its really run down.
9:13pm They're doing a camera check in the basement. They've got thermal cameras and "cables" pointing into a crawlspace in a subbasement. Mike says everything emits energy and energy emits black body radiation. This is a non-sequitur. Mike is crawling into the crawlspace. Mike's ass is not photogenic and everyone laughs about it. The crawlspace is really deep and huge. Lena is praying to Diana and the Moon and Umbria. Lena invites John Wayne Gacy into the seance. Lena is making an offering to Gacy of her 15 year old neighbor's soccer shirt. Robbie thinks this is the most hilarious thing and Lena makes him leave. No this isn't Lena leading the seance. I don't know who this woman is. Suddenly, a huge blue fireball explodes in the fireplace.  Everyone is blaming Mike and Gary, trying to scare everybody, but the argument is inconclusive. The Seance is over. There are seven people in the house now. Where did this psychic woman come from.
Upskirt. Robbie is mocking the moon goddess Diana.
The psychic woman is telling Mike he needs to be afraid of the stove because Gacy liked to cook. What. Mike is just regular afraid because of the weird fireball from before.
Lena is picking up a weird reading from what appears to be the dining room. The room is cold.
The psychic gives Mike a talisman made of Gacy's art and tells him to put it near his root chakra. Mike doesn't know what root chakra is. The psychic says that his pocket is close enough. The door to the room they are in suddenly slams!
Robbie and Lena find Gacy's bed and see a "shadow." I don't see anything. They call the rest of the crew. Robbie says he sees a "shadow person." I still don't see it. Mike starts freaking out because no one has a K2. The Professor says that its all cool and to not worry and they should keep doing their rounds. Robbie and Lena i think stay in Gacy's room. Dr. Franklin says that everyone is getting excited and the camera is just overexposed, creating the shadow person, because he didnt see a shadow person on the CC camera. Oh, also they have black and white CC cameras in every room in addition to Gary and Robbie's cameras. Oh, the CC cameras are the IR cameras. Dr Franklin asks Robbie and Lena to head back up to the room.
In the room, the rest of the crew is still there. The psychic is sitting on the bed reciting a prayer. "Give us the clown we doth seek, John Wayne Gacy Jr, who preyed on the meek. In the land where lungs don't blow, Loki laugh, take your son and go." She keeps repeating it and its annoying. Suddenly a picture frame falls off the wall and the microphones go crazy.
Everyone decides to go downstairs. The psychic thanks Loki for making mischief. I hate this psychic so much. Someone turned the lights off downstairs and everyone is terrified on the staircase. They couldnt find Lena or Dr. Franklin who were supposed to be downstairs. Mike is terrified but also stoked. I guess they find Dr Franklin because he does a talking head saying there's no such thing as ghosts. Then mike says there is such thing as ghosts. Gary says that mike is an asshole for trying to scare everyone. Tessa says she's a skeptic but being a skeptic means you have accept that ghosts could exist. Robbie is pissed that all the footage is contaminated because no one is doing there job because they're scared.
11:20pm the K2 is downstairs. Mike isnt picking anything up on the K2. He is convinced that there's ghosts and he's freaking Gary out. Mike is trying to contact Gacy and he's holding a microphone up. The psychic is doing stupid psychic things. I really hate her. Mike asks Gacy if there are "any dead boys in that crawlspace?" This is a really long sequence where nothing is happening except Mike repeating the same questions. "How frank do I have to be with you? To get personal?" Mike asks Gacy.
11:35pm Really that was an entire scene where nothing at all happened. Dr. Franklin tells Robbie that they need to "change out all the bulbs." Robbie moves upstairs to do so. As he enters a room, a door slams behind him. "I am really messed up," he says. He makes his way back to the door, "I'm sure I left this open." A window blows open behind him, one that was definitely shut as he walked into the room. He assumes Mike opened it before and moves on. All the bulbs appear to be fine, I still don't see a "shadow person" in the bedroom. Robbie gets a shock from a lamp in the bedroom. Cuts to Robbie in the bathroom, washing his face. Mike is making fun of him for getting electrocuted.
11:54am I think thats a typo. It definitely said 11:54am. I love Asylum so much. Dr. Franklin is listening to something while Lena looks directly into the camera. Dr Franklin thinks they found something. He's playing back the sound that Mike recorded earlier. He "split it into three bandwidths." He could split it into more. There's nothing in the one bandwidth, just noise. On the next bandwidth is a voice saying "Kiss my ass." Mike says, "it sounds like 'Kiss my ass.'" They keep playing back the clip. The psychic says he's going to start harming them. She did two rune casts, and one says "ultimate power ego" and the other says "twist of fate, bad path, don't move forward." Jeff Hardy must be there. That's my one joke.
Mike decides to disregard the crazy psychic lady and says EVPs cant harm them. Gary says, "there's some freaky shit going down there." Mike decides to disregard Gary. "Kiss my ass" were Gacy's last words, apparently. "I don't think normal people see ghosts," says Robbie, apropos of nothing.
Everyone goes down to the basement. Psychic lady is rambling about knots. Mike is recording with the microphone again. Gary and Lena have the cameras as far as i can tell. Robbie is using a thermal camera. No one is picking up any data or ghosts. The psychic lady is named Janey. They are cramming her into the crawlspace now for whatever reason. She is going to crawl all the way back there to cast a spell. Wicca. Robbie is dismissive, Lena is worried. They order Gary and Janey to stay downstairs alone i think. I can never tell who is talking to who.
Back upstairs, Dr. Franklin says everything looks normal but he keeps losing the bedroom camera, doggone it! Robbie heads up to fix it. Dr. Franklin is watching Janey and Gary cast more spells in the basement. Now Janey is on a different floor casting more spells and invoking Loki and using a divining rod. Suddenly the diving rod jerks into action and throws her against a wall. Also her name is Janina. She is bloody so she takes off her shirt. Her boob has been stabbed.
Upstairs, Robbie finds the camera has been completely unplugged. Lena surprises him and apologizes for something. I have no idea what. Robbie propositions her. He wants to have sex on John Wayne Gacy Jr's bed. A second camera goes out. Downstairs, Janina is whining about the quality of the divining rods and claims Mike got them from the ghostbusters costco. Okay, its Tessa and Gary in the basement. Mike and Janina and Dr Franklin on the first floor. Robbie and Lena on the second floor. The bedroom camera turns on even though its unplugged. Dr Franklin sees Robbie and Lena doing it and says "Oh, man," defeatedly.
Downstairs, Gary decides to get a close look at the crawlspace. Tessa says its 1am, lets see how completely wrong that time is gonna turn out to be. Gary points the handheld infrared into the crawlspace. A crashing noise happens and scares Gary. There's no point of origin and that scares Gary even more. Tessa has the IR now and she's following something and hushing Gary. They find a birdcage. Gary flips out and says something just "caressed" his back. Gary keeps repeating, "fuck this shit," and "later." He goes back upstairs with Tessa and the microphones cut out again. Gary thinks its Mike pulling pranks and wants out. Tessa wants Gary to go to the attic with her if he's so scared of the basement. Gary says he'll do the attic, but then he's leaving the house.
The door to the attic is in the bathroom. There arent any lights in the attic. As they head up the stairs, there's a thud and Tessa starts screaming for Gary. She goes and gets Robbie and Lena and they find Gary unconscious in the bathroom, freezing cold. Another crash, everyone hurries downstairs to find Mike standing over a broken camera in the basement. He is pissed off, something knocked the camera over.
12:43am. Tessa was wrong about the time by like half an hour. Everyone is on the main floor, they're trying to warm Gary back up in front of the fire. Gary's blood pressure plummeted and thats why he passed out. Lena is yelling at Robbie because he was too rough. She shows him her back and she has a huge crazy scratch on her. Robbie says he didn't scratch her. Janina inspects Robbie's nails, there's no way he could cause that crazy scratch. Mike forbids her from going home. Robbie says that there's no ghost its just overtiredness that caused that scratch. What. Lena is violently hurled from her chair. She freaks and storms out of the house, Robbie chases after her. Dr. Franklin tells some cameraman to document everything. It's either Mike or Tessa. Whoever it is is just sort of standing at the edge of Robbie and Lena's conversation. Robbie is trying to convince her to stay, saying there's gotta be a logical explanation. They decide to take a nap in the van for a while.
1:17am Dr. Franklin talking head. He says there's strange phenomenon. Mike says they're capturing the best footage. Robbie says there's strange phenomenon. Tessa is freaked. Gary is also freaked. Dr. Franklin again says there's strange phenomenon. This is the best script.
Everyone is in the bedroom again. They're inspecting the lamp where Robbie got shocked earlier and Mike finds ectoplasm all over it. Janina claims there's always been ectoplasm on that lamp. Dr. Franklin is pissed that the cameras are all going down, especially the one in the bedroom. He wants to switch the cables between the broken camera in the basement and the bedroom camera, so he asks Gary to do it. Poor freaked out Gary.
Cut to Lena in the van. There is some crazy echo. She is terrified but glad to be out of the house where she can breathe easy. The van starts to shake. She thinks its Robbie and Mike trying to scare her. She opens the door and calls for Robbie but he's not there. The camera starts cutting to a test pattern and back to Lena telling the darkness to "knock it the fuck off." Lena gets back in the van and slams the door, she's pissed at Robbie now. The van starts shaking again. A ghost screams. The door opens, a ghost wails. Something starts screaming and drags Lena from the van into the night.
2:03am. Gary heads down to the basement per doctor's orders. He tells him that its gonna be "super quick." Something tells me it is not going to be super quick! Some piece of Gary's equipment breaks. I think its his camera light. As he tries to fix it, the lightbulb in the basement starts to flicker and finally turns off. Gary is desperately trying to fix the light in the dark. He succeeds when something starts to move behind him. He sprints upstairs to Dr. Franklin. All the doors slam and gust of wind blows through. Franklin and Gary scream. Mike and Tessa come down to find Gary freaking out. Janina is trying to calm him down because high energy exacerbates ghosts. energy creates black body radiation after all.
Suddenly, all the lights go out. There is mad growling. Gary manages to turn his camera light on. Robbie says its just a fuse but Gary calls bullshit. The microphones keep cutting in and out Mike, Robbie, and Gary i think are going to check the fuse box. A bunch of windows have opened. Mike sticks his head outside and surprisingly isnt decapitated by the window. Gary is still freaking. Mike is trying to shut him up and realizes that the door that was just shut is now open! Both of the guys with cameras (Gary and Robbie) are arguing with each other. Gary recaps what happened in the last paragraph. Gary accuses Mike and Robbie of being retarded because "shit is getting dangerous." Mike is still trying to get Gary to shut up. Gary keeps saying that this isn't "hokey pokey ghost hunter shit" over and over. Mike makes Gary go back to the living room because he's tired of the animosity he's bringing.
Mike and Robbie head down to the basement alone. Robbie is still trying to rationalize all the ghost activity. Robbie wants to analyze the data. Mike finally finds the fuse box after like five minutes. Robbie sets down the camera to help Mike get into the crawlspace because for some reason the fusebox is in the crawlspace. Something moves the camera.
2:33am. I guess the fusebox wasn't in the crawlspace after all because now they're both near it with a camera and it doesnt look anything like the basement. Mike replaces the fuses with no trouble. They caught something on the video, I don't see anything. Robbie says it could be a moth. Gary again calls him "retarded." Robbie says there's nothing definitive on tape. Mike says they need to do another sweep. Janina, Gary, and Tessa think its time to leave. Robbie is very determined to stay now even though he didnt want to be there in the first place. Mike says one final sweep of the house, top to bottom. Basement to attic
3:01am. Dr Franklin talking head says its "positively disturbing" and he's trying to remain a scientist. He is dancing around the phrase strange phenomenon. Gary is starting to believe in ghosts and is melting down. Dr. Franklin is worried now about something bad happening to one of his crew. Tessa is crying and wants to go home because she doesnt "give a shit about ghosts." I think i see the shadow person on the bed now. It kind of looks like Gacy in his clown costume. Mike and Robbie are also getting fed up with Janina and are mad that she is working the rest of the crew into a ghost frenzy. Janina, Gary, and Tessa are sweeping the basement. They tell Gary to shut up with all the crazy ghost stuff he's saying because he's scaring them.
Janina is doing some kind of weird sacrament. She is using stuff from her mojo bag. What a weird mishmash of nordic paganism, north american wicca, voodoo, and native american spiritualism. She's doing a firey-wall of protection spell. Gary is unconvinced. I think Robbie is in the crawlspace. Mike is upstairs complaining about Janina being crazy and setting up the thermal camera. Dr. Franklin is pacing near the fireplace. Robbie hears voices in the basement and starts to climb the stairs. He then hears a really loud ghost noise. Cut to black.
3:32am Robbie talking head, he's ready to call it quits. Dr. Franklin is also calling it quits. Janina is going on about root chakra again. Only one of the buttons on her shirt is buttoned. Janina, Gary, and Tessa are doing a chant. Mike is still fiddling with the thermal. He sees a very clearly defined Dude in the thermal wearing what appears to be a camisole and panties. The Dude suddenly sprints at Mike, knocking him into a room and slamming the door behind him. Mike screams in pain, but it is muffled by the door. In the attic, Janina is attacked by something during the chant and she is thrown across the room. Her shirt and bra are torn off. Janina is still chanting and trying to do the spell. Tessa picks up a Dude in her thermal as well. He rushes at her. She is hanged. Gary yells to run for it and sprints to the stairs. He makes it down but ends up in the bedroom. He keeps going through doors but ends up back at the bedroom every time. Its a really good effect. Gary is trapped and freaking out. He makes it into the hallway somehow but indistinct voices are following him. He finds Mike's camera equipment. He keeps exploring and finds Mike. He appears to be strangled.
3:59am Dr. Franklin is freaking out. He tells Robbie he's afraid. Gary makes it downstairs and yells to get out. Something is attacking the three men, throwing them into walls and dragging Gary down into the basement. It stops attacking Franklin and Robbie. They head after Gary. The basement door is locked. Franklin tries knocking but that doesnt help. He finds an axe conveniently in the dining room and breaks in. It looks like he got sucked downstairs so Robbie turned tail and ran. Cut to black.
Now we've got some stills of official looking documents. Autopsy Exam Report for Mike. He died of hyperthermia. Dr. Franklin died of asphyxiation. Gary died of asphyxiation too but was also raped and mutilated. Janina was asphyxiated and it looks like she had her heart cut out? I'm not sure. A quick google of the medical terms in the report makes it look like her heart was so big it tore out of her chest. Robbie died of a heart attack. Tessa was scalped and hanged. Lena was never found and a missing persons file is still opened. It says to contact the Des Plaines PD if you have any information. Honestly shocked this takes place on march 6th, 2006 and not june 6th, 2006 for the 06/06/06 thing. And just like Paranormal Entity, no credits, just Copyright The Asylum Global 2010.
How I Felt
Just a mess. They spend literally three seconds on introductions for each character, except the psychic who gets no introduction, and then you're supposed to keep track of the action by voice. All the female characters were white, blonde women which did not help me tell them apart. I'm glad they didn't market this as Paranormal Entity 2 or Paranormal Entity: The Beginning as it had nothing to do with the (much superior) Paranormal Entity. I'm also not sure if the ghost(s) are supposed to be Gacy or his victims or the demon from Paranormal Entity or the demon from Entity. The acting sucks, the camera work is disorienting, and not in a cool blair witch way, and the script is an absolute disaster. A real mess. Of the three Asylum films I've seen (this, Paranormal Entity, and 100 Feet) this is by far the worst. If the blog is an absolute, unfollowable jumble of words, at least more so than usual, i assure you it is the film's fault.
Sequel?
I'd still watch a Paranormal Entity sequel, hopefully with Shane van Dyke behind the wheel again. Also, holy cow, Paranormal Entity was directed and written by Dick van Dyke's grandson who was also the "star." That's crazy.
This whole liveblog thing is still superfun, I need to do this more often.